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GRE考试作文修改:global university

2010-07-30 来源:互联网 作者:第一考试网

GRE考试作文修改:global university

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第一考试网整理了以下内容:供大家参考学习 #

经常给些考GRE的同学改作文,今天发一篇比较典型的给大家参考

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TOPIC: ISSUE11 - "All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems." #

It is attempting to agree with the speaker by the nice prospect he describes to us: scholars from all nations come to a global university and cooperate to solve the world's most persistent social problems. (我觉得这个句子有些啰嗦,可以改为It is attempting to agree with the speaker by the nice prospect that scholars from all nations come to a global university and cooperate to solve the world's most persistent social problems.)However, under (the)current international environment, that dream could hardly be realized. Before it fulfill(achieving) its goal, it could first cause numerous social problems.

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Admittedly, many potential social hazards such as environment problems and poverty gap are ubiquitous in most areas, and solving those problems is far beyond one or a few countries’ competence. The achivements of(made by) International Committee of the Red Cross and International Environment Protection Orgnization have substaintiated the the effectiveness of international cooperation. Thus it is considerable to establish a globle university if it could be free from any intervenor.(这个句子可能是我们的思路有偏差,我无法理解,所以无法评论) In that university, students from different countries could exchange ideas and experience, and thus get a more comprehensive view of those issues. Integrating different techniques, they might conceive original and effective methods to solve the persistent social problems.(上下文一直在重复这句话,可以改为 achieve the ends) #

上面一段话,你做出让步,但是就这篇文章而言,我觉得让步段放在倒数第二段比较好,但最大的问题是,你只有让,没有收回来。 #

However, Though the ultimate goal is all correct, we could not overlook its negative byproducts. a threshhold problem with such an university emerges before its establishment: where should it locate in? A seemingly feasible answer is in the developed countries since they could provide advanced facilities and generally better social environment. But if (what if)that propose is implemented while all nations have the moral obligation to send their eminences young scholars to that university, in other words, to the developed countries, it would, to some extent, results(result) in lose(the loss) of human resource for under developed countries. If only we do not assume that we are sharing a global government, we should concede that every nation has certain problems that could only be solved within its realm and those problems equally need talented youngsters. What is more, that answer provides convenience for developed countries to propagandize their ideology. To rule out all the considerations mentioned above, the only answer is likely be on the internet, which is evidently flawed in other aspects.

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题目说我们要建立一个global university来解决世界上的重大社会问题,你在这段论述的内容是建立的时候会遇到的问题(建在哪里),有点偏题,建立的过程有困难是一回事,应不应该建又是另一回事来源:第一考试网

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What is more, even if the university has been built in a proper place, there are still problems: who is to decide the courses of that university? Students have limited energy, they could only focus on several chosen main problems while there are myriad social problems in society, which of them should be given priority or more attention? Is it unemployment in America, poverty in Ethopia, or population explosion in China? Under different environment, each society has distinguishing problems with different degree(level). People in one nation hardly notice the urgency of issues in other nations. A most possible outcome is that the more one devotes or invests in that university, the more right(rights) he possess to make those decisions. Again, the developed countries. Even if the authority of that university could give proper consideration of each main problems in the world, how could we prevent the public of the country that invest most in the university from asking:”Why is our tax paid to solve the problems of other countries?”

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这段的逻辑问题跟上段一样,讨论的还是建立这个university所遇到的问题

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In sum, it is pessimistic to deny the prospect of that university, whereas in current time when the political and ideology conflict(conflicts) are so fierce and mutal understanding of different nations is limited, the establishing such a globle university is unfeasible now. #

这是我看的第一篇你的GRE作文,首先我要说明的是,GRE的argument首要的不是你的语法和词汇,而是logic,你的这篇文章,最大的优点是句子很流畅,可以看出你的英文水平很好,但是logic有点混乱,给我的感觉是,想到哪就写到哪,而且没有达到argue的效果。

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如果让我来论述这篇文章的话,我会着重写两点:第一,就算建立了这个学校,学校里毕业的学生对于解决全球化的社会问题也是没有多大作用的。第二,建立这个学校以后,会产生更多的更难以解决的社会问题(这点你在文中有提到一些)第一考试网整理 #

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